I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
