Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize