she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
