I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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