dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
