just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
