My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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