Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
