He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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