Just mADE A PArabola og urine
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
