no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
