i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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