Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
