I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
