so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
