evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
