hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
my shit smells like andre
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
