I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
