We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
