he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
