I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
