Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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