Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
