loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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