If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
