i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
