Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
