I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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