I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you had me at cake vodka
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
