i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
