So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Randomize
