sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
