after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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