I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
