Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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