yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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