Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
