listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
