I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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