can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
