I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
