a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
