Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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