Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
