12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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