You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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