SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
