bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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