I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
zippers are such a cool invention
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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