tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
