When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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