So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
