If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
