My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
