Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I feel like a drive thru vagina
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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