I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Randomize
