I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
