His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
