Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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