You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
