my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
