This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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