Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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