I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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